Starting a Blog During Finals Week? A Cinematic Disaster in the Making

It's finals week, and rather than sulking in books like a responsible student, I'm here, writing my inaugural blog post. You might describe it as procrastination. I prefer to consider it a defining moment for the character—something from a movie where the hero, faced with something they simply don't wish to do, decides to do something else completely, literally anything else besides what they're supposed to be doing.

Because my brain is already whirring with caffeine and anxiety, I might as well think of this week the only way I can: as a movie. Because if I'm going to die academically, I might as well do it in style.

If finals week were a movie, it would be a different type of movie every day. Monday starts out with a motivational sports flick. I create a study schedule, highlight notes like I have my life together, and vow to myself that I will get through this. I am the underdog. The training montage is intense.

Tuesday becomes a psychological thriller. The textbook seems strange. Was this ever discussed in class? The lights in my room now appear to be dimmer. The camera zooms in dramatically on my bewildered face as my heart races. Something is amiss.

By Wednesday, we're squarely in the world of horror movies. Tomorrow is the exam. I'm checking my email and I have a message from my professor summarizing points I swear I've never even heard of. Each unread chapter is a terrorizing monster waiting in the shadows. Each notification is an on-screen jump scare. The score playing in the background is simply my own pulse.

Thursday is reminiscent of a melancholy indie film. The exam is only a few hours from now. I am sitting in silence, listening to my notes, talking to myself, "It is what it is." There is muffled acoustic guitar noises happening in my head. I have accepted my fate.

Passage day is Friday. The test is complete. Whether I passed or not remains a secret, but for now, I step out, take in the smell of freedom, and roll credits. I have been changed. I have grown up. Or at least, I have survived.

If I had a soundtrack to my finals experience, it would be cacophony. "Eye of the Tiger" plays when I sit down to study with confidence. "Under Pressure" plays five minutes later. "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA plays when I'm writing wild guesses on multiple-choice questions. The theme music from Curb Your Enthusiasm plays when I realize that I studied the wrong chapter. And if I survive? Then and only then does "We Are the Champions" get its time.

If this week were being directed by someone, these are my guesses. If Wes Anderson were directing it, my office would be perfectly symmetrical, my notes color-coded, and I would be taking long breaks staring off into space thinking, "What drives me?" If Tarantino were directing it, the test would be in blood-red ink and there would be a painfully long debate on the philosophy of multiple-choice. If it were a Jordan Peele or a Christopher Nolan film, time would not make sense—I'd be flipping through my notes and have no clue if I learned this yesterday or three weeks ago. And if it were Jordan Peele, the study guide would be full of things we never even touched on, my classmates would all be unnervingly calm, and I'd start to wonder if I was the only one who was actually in danger.

So yeah, that's finals week for me—starting a blog rather than studying. But hey, if I flunk, at least I've chronicled it in movie quality. And if you're suffering through exams as well, just remember this: every good hero goes through adversity. Every hero bottoms out before his triumphant return. And no matter how pathetic finals week might look, it will be over eventually.

Now, sorry, but I have a study montage to get to. Perhaps. Hopefully. We'll see.